Still Undecided

Who You Are On Paper

2009-01-08T10:57:00.002-07:00

Dec. 30 - sorry if I'm not accurately processing all this information; a majority of my brain capacity is being used trying to figure out why you're giving it to me.
Jan. 4 - again with that loaded information. I guess I can play that game with you, but know that from here on out, it can't mean anything to me. Perhaps the basis for something far more platonic? And I don't know how to take her interpretation of your unperceived nonverbals.
Jan. 7 - maybe it's not so much there for you anymore? Oh, wait. There you are. So...? "I wanna swim away but don't know how"

3 things in 7 pages

2008-12-09T13:20:00.003-07:00

I did three things last night that I've never done before:
1) I went to Color Me Mine and painted something. We'll find out on Thursday if I'm really as artistic as I pretend.
2) I ate at Happy Sumo-YUM!
3) I ate a whole meal with chopsticks. Whoever wanted to work so hard for their food? But I got a good start, so I felt like I had to keep going.
So, are these events significant enough that I could now write my life process paper on them that's due tomorrow? Oh good grief. Nothing in my life feels impactful enough that I could analyze it in 7 pages.

Words I Like Lately

2008-12-02T23:02:00.000-07:00

riveting - Denver
enthuse - Denver
debrief - Emily
sophomoric - Moroni
sabbatical - Bo
Should I be writing who these words are connected to that makes me like them? Okay.
ruse - Nick
squander
another one bites the dust - James
remiss - Gentry
palatial - James
voracious - Elizabeth
cheese (as in "anger")
slovenly
obtuse - Mama
reciprocity
superfluous
dynamic
and others I can't think of right now. I shall update the list as I remember.

The Holiday

2008-11-27T10:19:00.002-07:00

Kate Winslet's character, Iris, has some great monologues in this film. For instance, the opening to the film is this:
"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said 'Journeys end in lovers meeting.' What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said 'love is blind.' Now that is something I know to be true. For some, quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual."
Near the end of the movie when Jack Black's character, Miles, has experienced heartbreak, she tells him,
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
Ah, so beautiful and melancholy.

Potty Humor Strikes Again

2008-11-21T04:27:00.003-07:00

I received this in my email inbox and had a nice little laugh about it. Thank you, Bill Allred.

The Honeymoon's Over

2008-11-11T13:21:00.002-07:00

so, I meant to post this several days ago. It's this weird thing that I feel after the first few initial weeks of liking a guy. Oh, he's just a normal person. But then I realize that he's still great and I'm more than anything angry at myself for ever HOPING that this could go somewhere. Or even letting myself hope. I guess that's where any relationship starts, though. The games are giving me a headache, and I think Emily pointed out nicely why--I fall fast and hard, so even when he's not there yet, I've already committed to him in my head, so every ensuing action is either seen as faithful or disloyal, even though he doesn't know. So the game is already over. I'm all yours.

Trying Too Hard

2008-10-30T10:12:00.002-07:00

My blog has become stale, hasn't it? My life has been so consumed by Facebook and text messaging, that I have managed to neglect my other technology outlets.
An interesting phenomenon has manifested itself in my life once again. (The mission caused me to forget it, I guess.) And that is, When It Rains It Pours. I guess it's just inertia--once something gets started it produces more of itself. Anyway, it makes life more exciting than it has been, that's for sure, but now I'm whining about not being able to maintain any sense of emotional equilibrium. Homeostasis is a comfort I can't afford. It'm willing to sacrifice that for right now.

Tribute to Front Porches on Summer Nights

2008-07-20T01:55:00.000-07:00

There's something intoxicating about rolling the windows down and turning the piano emo rock up full blast while I'm speeding home in the middle of the night.
There are so many questions left unanswered in the last four hours that are plaguing me now.
Since I want to communicate with you and I have no other way than the hope that you will read this, I'll say a few things:
1) David joined Facebook--must not just be for losers anymore. :)
2) My crappy new laptop will still be your fault, even if we aren't talking. :)
3) Good luck speaking tomorrow--you'll be wonderful, as usual.
4) Remember what you're up for now.
5) Should I e mail you the pictures, or leave well enough alone?
6) I'm sorry for everything, and thank you for everything.
7) I hope you can forgive the passive aggressive nature of this whole post.

Facelift

2008-07-17T23:31:00.003-07:00

I am quite adamantly opposed to plastic surgery of most sorts. However, since my blog is my creation, and not God's, I take the liberty of performing some nips and tucks. (plus it's an inanimate virtual object, so it didn't know it was getting old and flabby and now is young and firm again.)
I am enthused by bright colors.

Among Vampires, Werewolves, and Facebook, I can't keep my pulse down lately

2008-06-18T11:52:00.002-07:00

Nuff said.
p.s. it's fun having kids around so you can snack on Teddy Grahams again, huh?

Resurrection!

2008-06-13T23:41:00.002-07:00

Per inspired by a conversation yesterday, I made a more valiant-than-past attempt and got my blog up and running again. Aren't you happy I can be a part of your life again? :) This will definitely take time to remember how to format my template and such. I find that I'm not so tech savvy yet, being so fresh from the Lord's vineyard. We just use the Spirit there. :) Enough with the smiley icon now.
It would seem appropriate to write a big long post about how amazing (and hard) my mission was, but maybe some other time when the mood strikes.

My big news

2006-10-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't think many of you know yet, but I figured it's high time I told everyone: I'm going on a mission! I enter the MTC in two days, this Wednesday, October 18. I'm going to Fresno California, English speaking. I am so dang pumped to make this change in my life right now. I'm gonna miss everyone so much, tho! Please write, if you feel so inclined and I'll do all I can to write back. Also, in the next 18 months I'm sure a good few of you will get married and/or have babies, and I sure would love to get the announcements and see the pictures of all those. Best of luck in all, you wonderful people who have made me who I am. I love you.
Christie Winder

Oct 18 - (roughly) Nov. 8
Sister Christine M. Winder
California Fresno Mission
Provo MTC
2005 N. 900 E.
Provo UT 84604

Nov. 8 (roughly) - sometime in April 08 (unfortunately I'm only supposed to e mail family, so friends'll have to stick to snail mail-sorry!)
Sister Christine M. Winder
California Fresno Mission
1814 N. Echo Ave.
Fresno CA 93704

Recycled Pop Culture

2006-10-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

Ah, Spin Magazine, what will you come up with next?

Good Heckles
"Play something the drummer knows!"
"Less guitar in the monitor!"
"Play that song from the iPod commercial!"
"Play your hit--again!"
"Yo, dog, that was on! What do you think, Paula?"

Reasons Michael Jackson is Bad, according to his song "Bad"
Your butt is his.
He's gonna hurt your mind.
He knows your game and what you're about.
If you don't like what he's sayin, you can slap his face.
The whole world has to answer him right now.
He's smooth.
Woo! Woo! Woo!

and if you stuck around long enough, the best one:
Album Titles More Compelling Than the Actual Album
45 or 46 Song That Weren't Good Enough to Go on Our Other Records - NOFX
Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me Is Gone - The Walkmen
Pictures of Starving Children Sell Records - Chumbawumba (ha! remember them?)
My Pain and Sadness Is More Sad and Painful Than Yours - mclusky
This Conversation Is Ending Starting Right Now - Knapsack
Hairway to Steven - Butthole Surfers
Hitler Bad, Vandals Good - the Vandals

and here's my own personal compelling album title:
The Life Less-Examined: Rehashing Spin Magazine on My Blog.
The End.

First-class Fool, me

2006-09-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Stephanie Woolston. She's an awesome friend, so I felt like blogging about her tonight. See, I was supposed to drive down to Provo and see a local band's show with her tonight. Once again, I let her down and backed out. If it was an occasional thing, I wouldn't feel so bad, but it seems like every time Stephanie wants me to do something with her I stand her up. The excuse is usually a lame one. (Tonight I feel far too tired to drive down to Provo, which admittedly is lame, especially since I did want to hang out with Steph.) I felt like such an IDIOT when I got off the phone with her. Now, if I were her, I think I prolly would have dropped a friend like me long ago. But she was so sweet and nice about it still, and that is an incredible relief. So, hurrah for friends like Stephanie.

Anecdotal

2006-09-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

Four weeks ago tomorrow was my last day working at Heritage School, a residential treatment center for teenagers with psychiatric diagnoses. Disciplining unruly teens is sort of a high anxiety job, and so even though I don't miss it that much, there are aspects that I remember fondly. The best moments were when the clients made me laugh. Following are a few:
"Are you into all that God stuff?" -K when she saw my Draw Near Unto God book.
"All I ever wanted was a big piece!" -C playing Tetris.
"Why would you want to learn things? Learning's for learners." -D on why she didn't want to go to school.
"Hey guys, look. There's an old man walking by outside." -M, self-explanatory.
"Hey, she heard it plop." -C arguing about whether J was using the bathroom or not.
"I feel like Jesus." -R when she wore her hair wavy.
"Do you ever look at a horse and just get really, really hungry?" -A at lunch.
"You're medium cool." -M to J when she asked if he liked her.
"It smells like buttered popcorn." -R when she farted.
"I'm so pissed that they put me in anger management!" -S upon finding out which support group she was in.
"Your mom's a Jesus fish." -R.
"Does sugar have calories?" -C at lunch.
"You know what would be really funny? If I got the same shirt as a guy here, and then we wore the same pants, too, so we were wearing the same shirt and the same pants at the same time." -S, after some deep contemplation.
"You can't just ask a black woman for her cell phone number!" -A.
"My parents were going to name me Diana, but then I was born on St. Patrick's Day so they named me S." -S on origins of her name.

Ah, the folly of youth! ;)

Big Sandy, Montana

2006-07-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

I woke up with a June Bug chilling in my bed with me this morning.

We Only Come Out At Nite

2006-05-14T03:07:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm an insomniac again tonite. I must have gotten five drinks of water and gone to the bathroom ten times before I finally decided to just be up at 4 in the morning. I'm currently waiting for the couch to dry so that I can at least just watch a movie. I literally can't turn my brain off. The little mundane lists of things to be done just won't leave me alone. And on top of that, I've got about ten songs running thru my mind. Luckily I'll see my mom tomorrow and she'll be a dear and hook me up with some of her sleeping pills so that I won't find myself in this same situation 24 hours from now. I can tell my body's tired--I keep yawning and having to stretch my muscles, but my head won't let it sleep. It's actually kind of ironic for me to be complaining about this. This last year of my life has been the first year in about ten that I haven't preferred the night time. I used to think that I would just live my life that way. Who put all the morning people in charge anyway, right? tee hee. I think I just saw a spider in the shadow out of the corner of my eye.

The Sports Question

2006-04-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say my lack of confidence were reason enough to not play sports with boys. It's the reason I have for not doing it tonite, and I know it's the biggest cop out ever. I've never been such an athletic person, although I do enjoy sports, whenever on occasion I can play them with only all girls. It matters a lot less when you make a big fumble because everyone else is doing it too. (unless maybe you're playing with Athelia.) The unfortunate truth is that boys DO judge a girl by how she plays, and that's just not a chance I felt willing to take this evening. (except I'll most likely still be judged for chickening out.) See, I know that boys have a tendency to get competitive and it matters a lot more to them when you mess it up for the whole team. You see that fallen look on their face, sometimes here some choice words. Two summers ago, I was basically forced to play a co-ed basketball game. My team positioned me under the hoop where they could toss me the ball every chance they got and I could make an easy lay up. Supposedly. It was about the twentieth try that it finally went in. I saw my supervisor become frustrated beyond warrant, and I lost most respect that I had for him that day. Sports have a tendency to bring out a nasty side of people. Jeff had a theory that every girl should go see her boyfriend participate in a sporting event sometime when he doesn't know she's there. How could such a thing change the world, I wonder? Anyway, the point I was originally getting at is how much my self-consciousness controls my life, and that's just sad. Roommate Kathryn say, "You can do anything with confidence." Probably need to take that a little more to heart.

hoobastinks

2006-03-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

Do you know how to say Hoobastank in five more countries? I do.
1. Hoobastonk - The Netherlands
2. Hooba ha puzzato - Italy
3. Hooba a pue - France
4. Hoobatresandou - Brazil
5. Hoobapesto - Mexico
And while we're on the topic--they got pretty sucky, don't ya think? That new song of theirs sounds so dang . . . watered down.

Boring.

2006-02-12T21:43:00.000-07:00

I wish I had something interesting to blog about, except I don't really. How bout some news, then? Lindsay and James have finally announced their wedding on June 8. My brother is serving a mission in the Philippines (one L or two?) and he has some sort of infection in his testicles. No good. My other brother has impregnated his girlfriend for the second time. He's not too happy about it, but what did he expect? I won't mind having another baby around, that's for sure. My 2 bands are both gonna be in concert again in April, but who knows if I'll go, cuz no one will ever go with me. The last three of my grad school applications are going in this week, and that's about the most exciting thing to happen to me in the last year, being a repented VL and all now. My friend I was gonna move to Alaska with for the summer is now getting married so I may be stuck in Provo for another summer. I get to start a new scent of perfume this week (just in time for Valentines, I guess). Oh, and I still hate vegetables, but they're good for you, so someone should cook them for dinner group on Tuesday and/or Thursday this week.

Raise your hand if Cosmo gives you heebie jeebies

2006-01-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

I went to the basketball game last Wednesday. I was sitting on the front row, meaning I had the luxury of sitting through the whole game and not having to stand up. Part way thru the first half, I turn and there's Cosmo hovering right over me, prodding me to stand up, I guess cuz everyone else was, and apparently you're not a very good fan if you don't. I've never been a Cosmo fan. I think he's weird looking. So he kept touching me and grabbing me to stand up. I finally swatted him and told him to leave me alone and so he did. But during the second half he was back for more. This time he came climbing up the rails right in front of me, tho, so I was more psychologically prepared. Also I was able to cower behind Tim, altho he wasn't much help. In short, I felt officially molested by Cosmo the freakish cougar. I've seen him several times since then and all I can do is scowl and mutter at my new arch enemy.

Eulogy to a Kiss

2006-01-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today I receive my "repented VLs," a term coined by Stacie meaning that it's been one solid year since I've kissed anyone. She was pretty proud of herself when she got hers. I remember feeling pretty confident that I would never get mine. In fact, in my 5 and a half years of kissing, I've never really even come that close before this, and now I'm not pleased with the situation at all. There have been opportunities to kiss people throughout this last year, believe you me, but they just haven't been right enough, meaning primarily that these boys had not fulfilled my kissing criteria. My kissing criteria is a boundary that I enforced on myself about two and a half years ago when I realized that the older I become, the easier it is to just go kiss some guy just because. Basically, it's to prevent myself from becoming a slut. It seems that my beloved criteria has now perhaps pushed me to the other extreme and made me a nun. I will kiss someone again someday, I think.
But you know what really sickens me? When a person can't even remember the names of all the people they've kissed. I make it a point to remember the FULL name. I could even recite them to you right now, if you like. My kissing criteria has also pretty effectively prevented me from ever becoming someone else's nameless kiss. I suppose maybe that's a small price to pay for a year of prudehood.

Grrr . . .

2006-01-07T00:59:00.000-07:00

Ah, man. I typed a nice big post earlier this evening (rockin Fridae nite, lemmie tell ya). The internet conveniently gave out right as I tried to publish it. I was pretty hurt. It reminds me of writing long e mails to people just to have them disappear. How does the internet do that, anyway? Where do the thieved writings go? Are they just floating around in cyberspace somewhere?

Book Worm

2005-12-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

For about the billionth time in my life I went into a bookstore, naively thinking that I could simply grab what I needed and then leave soon afterwards. Oh, how mistaken I always am. Two and a half hours later, I have my scratch pad out, jotting down intriguing titles (which is just about everything on the shelf). I just love books!--picking it up, feeling its weight in my hands, becoming curious at the title and illustration, reading the summaries and quotes, flipping the pages to smell that wonderful book smell. Aaaahhhhhhhh . . .

And I really love to read. I am still SO giddy that I have a job that basically pays me to sit and read all day. But even with all that, it's not near enuf time to come close to reading everything that sounds interesting to me. Since I got hired slightly over three months ago I've already read the following:
Four Souls by Louise Erdrich
Sam's Letters to Jennifer by James Patterson
The Queen Of The South by Arturo Perez-Reverte
All I Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum
Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen
Our Heritage (Church)
The PeaceGiver by James L. Ferrell
Great Short Stories By American Women
The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd
Better Than You Think You Are by Ardeth G. Kapp
The BFG by Roald Dahl
Return To Sender by Sandy Hutson
Homeless Bird by Gloria Whelan
Three Weeks With My Brother by Nicholas and Micah Sparks
To Draw Closer To God by Henry B. Eyring
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
A Night Without Stars by James Howe
Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright
Technopoly by Neil Postman
The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
A Chimp In The Family by Vince Smith
The Egypt Game by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
Lectures On Faith by Joseph Smith
The Book Of Mormon
and I'm currently working on Back When We Were Grownups by Anne Tyler, If Life Were Easy Then It Wouldn't Be Hard by Sheri Dew, and How Tough Could It Be? by Austin Murphy. This is why I've never been able to fill in my favorite books on my profile, cuz I've just read too much, and loved most of it. I like to try and get a good mixture in of church books, fiction, non-fiction, and juvy.

And I love that I'm finally old enuf (I think so, anyway, you'll correct me if I'm wrong, no doubt) to talk about how much I love to read without being thought a complete dweeb (except by the funny kids I work with. Silly kids). Cheers!

Solitaire as X Box

2005-12-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

As I've been trying to wean myself off naps this week, I found that the only thing that was interesting enough (at the time) to keep me awake was playing solitaire. So, I commenced to play it for over an hour. I didn't win once. No matter how much I wanted to pull myself away, I just couldn't seem to. And after that marathon, I was so exhausted I needed a nap.
Today, I just decided to go straight to the sheets rather than even try. When I woke up, I felt so energized that I decided to play a little solitaire. I finally won.

Kiss of Death

2005-11-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

I heard yesterday about this girl that was allergic to peanuts. Her boyfriend ate a peanut butter sandwich and then gave her a kiss. She died that evening from her allergic reaction. Oh man.

Bi-polarism

2005-11-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

on a manic depressive scale of 1-10, right now I am an 11. I just got done crying to my mom on the phone (aren't mommies great?) and now have a sudden case of the giggles. Tell me something stupid, anything at all, and I'll prolly think it's funny.
This could be a serious personality flaw. The DSM IV would think so. But since it's not a long-standing characteristic, I don't think I could be diagnosed with it. And since I'm not qualified (and too mentally inept) to diagnose myself as mentally inept, I'll continue pretending to lead the normal life.
But really, because crying is such a cathartic experience, I think it must release an endorphin of some type in my brain and so then laughing just becomes so easy. It's pretty refreshing, really. I think it was an old Jewish proverb, or maybe a Chinese one, that said, "What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul." Ah, those Chinese Jews. What will they think of next?

Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year

2005-11-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

(or comeback of his life, as I'd like to hope)

I don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it (hanging in?)

And how

2005-10-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Support your local poet.

a hole to stick my head in now, please

2005-08-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

I slobbered on myself yesterdae. Dan thought I should have been embarrassed about that, and so I proceeded to explain to him how I don't really embarrass that easily.

Fast forward about 3 hours and I found myself having one of the most embarrassing experiences that I've had in a while. There's this rope swing in Mona (some of you are familiar with it) that people have been hyping up for a bit now, and last evening I finally had the opportunity to go. I was pretty hyped up myself. It wasn't very warm outside, and the sun had already gone down when we got there. Lon starts hypothesizing about the worst case scenario. "If you dropped right there close to the shore, you'd break something," etc. Linwood and he weren't even going to swing. But I didn't drive 30 miles down there for nothing. Everybody went before I did (except Linwood), giving me ample time to completely psych myself out. So I finally climb up in the tree and stand on the little wooden platform for about ten minutes straight (much to the annoyance of everyone there), continuing to psych myself out. My arms are like little twigs, and so I was very doubtful of their ability to hold the dropping of my whole weight when I stepped off that platform. Everybody else had done it and been fine, so I finally just went for it, and basically fell straight into the water. I couldn't, or didn't anyway, hold myself on that rope past the low point of the swing, and that's where I fell in. Yeah, it was about three feet from the shore. The water was only about five feet deep there, but I guess I went barreling in at enough of an angle that I didn't hurt myself. Maybe nobody saw the mortifying plunge . . . But my head emerged to the sound of everyone cheering for me, that wholesome thing that people do when they don't want one of their peers to feel too overly stupid, which of course just ensures the feeling of stupidity. I crawled to the shore and slinked over to where my towel was. People continued swinging, and the nite attained normalcy, again. Well, for everyone else, I spose. I remain quite disconcerted. I refused to pose for the picture because it was not a moment that I wanted immortalized in any way. (I know that posting this on my blog is counterbalancing that. Overly, probably. Oh well. You see how much I trust you people, to read this and still be my friends?)

I think it really is something I could probably do, but I had just completely wigged myself out, and everyone was watching. People were talking about going back on a hot, sunny day sometime. I feel a need to go again and redeem myself. But then there's always the chance that I'll flop again. And I'm sure that nobody else could give a rat's behind if I "redeem" msyelf or not. Ah, the things we do to try and save face.

I recognize that there's really no need to be embarrassed, cuz I was there with a group of really great people, and they won't think any the less of me. But, I unintentionally exposed a vulnerable side of myself that I wouldn't have necessarily chosen to show those people. And, unfortunately, that can't be undone now, and there's really no telling how much this small and singular event will effect certain people's perceptions of me, irreversibly for the rest of time as we know it. And that is really what I regret.

All Around

2005-08-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

"I think the world's keenest desire is for beauty, and that our knowledge of how to achieve that is the various forms of behavior and expression that we apply a single word to, which is love."

--Barry Lopez

Hairdon't

2005-08-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I've always kinda turned my nose up at the girls with the stripey hair. You want highlights, why did you do stripes instead? Well, due to circumstances somewhat beyond my control, I have now become one of those girls. Naturally, I'm not very happy about being a stripe-head. Perhaps I'll come to terms with it someday. But until then, I would have preferred polka dots, or at least zig-zags.

Plummeting

2005-08-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

I went sky diving this last weekend! Can you even believe it?! I still kinda can't. I had emotionally removed myself from the reality of it (in order to prevent an extreme amount of excitement and nervousness that could have potentially interfered with my functionality), and then it happened. Before I could even think twice, I was out the door of that plane, and speeding to the ground below, even though it didn't seem to be getting any closer. We jumped at about 12,000 feet of altitude. I screamed. Maybe that's a little too girly, but I really just couldn't help it. Jay (my tandem experienced jumper) wrote "NICE SCREAMS!!!" in my skydive log afterwards. I got to pull the rip cord at about 5,000 feet. The parachuting was cool cuz it was slower and we twirled around and checked out the beautiful earth below us. The landing was smooth and easy. The only problem I encountered was my dang sensitive ears feeling like they were going to explode from all the altitude change.
Love is the next great adventure now, Ryan said.

one of those things

2005-07-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

Have any of you ever been on a heterosexual date with someone who's homosexual, but is trying not to be, but you can tell that being with you isn't helping their situation at all?
Oh man, talk about awkward.

to all of those who think life can be broken down into nothing but a mathematical equation

2005-07-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

"The clock is a piece of machinery whose 'product' is seconds and minutes. In manufacturing such a product, the clock has the effect of disassociating time from human events and thus nourishes the belief in an independent world of mathematically measurable sequences. Moment to moment, it turns out, is not God's conception, or nature's. It is man conversing with himself about and through a piece of machinery he created. [the use of the masculine pronouns here I find significant.] In the process, we have learned irreverence toward the sun and the seasons, for in a world made up of seconds and minutes, the authority of nature is superseded. Eternity ceased to serve as the measure and focus of human events. The inexorable ticking of the clock may have had more to do with the weakening of God's supremacy than all the treatises produced by the philosophers of the Enlightenment; that is to say, the clock introduced a new form of conversation between man and God, in which God appears to have been the loser."

Perhaps those last few sentences are a little extreme, but it brings up an interesting point: isn't human nature and all the convoluted ins and outs that make up people and their personalites and idiosyncrasies and relationships a bit more complex than "mathematically measurable sequences"? A person is far too complex and uniqe to ever be described by some equation or graph.

Thus, maybe some of you should stop wearing watches.

what IS it that you want to hear?

2005-07-13T18:19:00.000-07:00

"Am I more than you bargained for yet? I've been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear, cuz that's just who I am this week."

LavFest

2005-07-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

Here I am at the largest lavendar fields in our nation. I know, I know, you can all get my autograph later.

B Names

2005-07-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

I guess maybe I just needed to prove to myself that I could create the uprising that I did. I have a tendency to manufacture drama when my life starts borderlining on boredom, I guess. But, as Bryant pointed out, it wasn't really an uprising to anyone but my roommates, who really needn't worry too much, cuz the name code I used was really only that crack-able to the people who are already familiar with the situations. So no major beans were spilt, right?

p.s. who knows what Byron's blog is?

The Bane of My Existence

2005-07-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

I think someone called this the barstool phenomenon once: Affection is directed at the person next to another person all the way down the line, aka. Person A is interested in Person B, who is interested in Person C, who is interested in Person D, and so on and so forth.

Case in point:

. . . deleted . . .

Let's just get it together, people! (Probably this didn't make much sense to anyone. I guess I just wanted to get it all out of my head for my own benefit.)

*All examples given are based on actual individuals and their situations, but names have been changed to protect identities (and the secrets that go along with them).

Thursday Evening

2005-07-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I could get chastised for being a fast mover. Or I could get chastised for being a slow mover. Am currently experiencing frustration at not being in a position in which I could be rebuked for either.
Everyone seems to be ignoring me. I guess their world keeps going round without me.

Plus, why is the Jordan River and the Provo temples both closed for cleaning right now? That's two weeks in a row of the guilts for me, and it's simply not healthy, I can tell ya that much. Shall make an attempt at Mt. Timpanogas tomorrow morning, perhaps.

Sometimes I guess when I'm the subject of the sentence I'm writing I cut myself out. Am currently doing such. Use style when feeling annoyed at and insignificant in my own life.

Choosey

2005-07-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

"I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."
--Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Now there's a lady who knows what I go through. Remember in Bandits how Cate Blanchett's character says she can't choose between her two love interests because together they make the perfect man?

Indeed.

Something I Do

2005-07-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

Do you ever say that you've run out of things to say, just so you won't have to talk anymore because you know if you do something will come out wrong and you'll dig your hole deeper than it already is?

Cuz I do.

2005-07-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

Isn't she beautiful, though?

2005-07-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

Always a bridesmaid . . .

Bitch Blog

2005-06-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

Got called a Bitch yesterday. It was the first time in years that this has happened (to my knowledge, anyway). As I mentioned to Don previously, there are very different nuances depending on whether this endearing term comes from the mouth of a girl or boy. I remember being highly offended several years ago when this name was last directed at me. However, oddly, yesterday I wasn't very offended. For several reasons. Partially, I know I deserved it, much to my chagrin. When I saw his name on my phone, I knew it was coming before I even picked it up, so I wasn't very shocked. I feel lucky to know enough about my perpetrator to know that he's a fairly emotional person (more so than he usually lets on), and that cussing is a primary way he releases frustration. It sorta dramatizes things, I spose.
In fact, it shows just the amount of emotionality that I find desirable.

Durango, Colorado

2005-05-31T20:10:00.000-07:00

Almost nothing suits me better than good friends and a road trip.

Sense

2005-05-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

I find a fatal flaw in the logic of love.

Sense

2005-05-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

If love is a labor, I'll slave til the end.

Sense

2005-05-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

Love, love will tear us apart again . . .

All That We Let In

2005-05-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

Dust in our eyes our own boots kicked up
Heartsick we nursed along the way we picked up
You may not see it when it's sticking in your skin
But we're better off for all that we let in

Lost friends and loved ones much too young
So much promises and work left undone
When all that guards us is a single centerline
And the brutal crossing over when it's time

I don't know where it all begins
And I don't know where it all will end
We're better off for all that we let in.

One day those toughies will be withered up and bent
The father, son, the holy warriors and the president
With glory days of put up dukes for all the world to see
Beaten into submission in the name of the free

We're in a nevolution I have heard it said
Everyone's so busy now but do we move ahead
The planets hurting and atoms splitting
And a sweater for your love you sit there knitting.

I don't know where it all begins
And I don't know where it all will end
We're better off for all that we let in.

See those crosses on the side of the road
Tied with ribbons in the medium
They make me grateful I can go this far
Lay me down and never wake me up again.

Kat writes a poem and she sticks it on my truck
We don't believe in war and we don't believe in luck
The birds were calling to her, what were they saying
As the gate blew open the tops of the trees were swaying.

I've passed the cemetery walk my dog down there
I read the names in stone and say a silent prayer
When I get home you're cooking supper on the stove
And the greatest gift of life is to know love.

I don't know where it all begins
And I don't know where it all will end
We're better off for all that we let in.

a few randoms

2005-05-17T00:14:00.000-07:00

Well, Tim Drake was wearing his collar flipped up over the weekend. But his whole shirt was also inside out, so the playfulness of that balanced the obnoxiousness of the collar quite nicely and I let it slide.

Happy thought for the day: Ashley told me last nite that her brother Dan said her roommate all-star cast would include me, Elizabeth, and Audrey. I guess he's really liked us. He told her that everytime he sees Elizabeth or me we make him laugh. He's such a good person and I always enjoy his company. Glad he can feel the same about me. I even admit to being jealous of the relationship between Ashley and him. He's so great to her.

on the subject of honesty . . .

2005-05-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

Honesty is something I greatly appreciate. And it's a courtesy that I expect returned. I guess I expect too much.

Timing is a part of honesty, too, because if a person is allowed to go a certain amount of time thinking something while another person knows it isn't correct, and that person allows more than a justifiable amount of time to pass without fixing the misconception, then dishonesty has taken place.

Emily admired me for having an agenda and making it somewhat known. I guess that's where I went wrong, though.

I shouldn't feel like I have to apologize for being honest and upfront with others about my feelings. I'm sick of playing the games, and that's one of the biggest ways to put a stop to it--to finally share the truth of our feelings with others. But I really don't like that somebody else has construed it that I should apologize for being honest with him.

It made him uncomfortable.

Honesty never has been, or will be, something that I will apologize for. I can apologize for the effects of that honesty, but the actual telling of it is never a mistake. The effects in this case being that I made someone uncomfortable.

Well, heaven forbid. Welcome to this world. If that's the worst wound you come out of this with, then life has plenty of surprises left for you. Don't go cryin home to momma.

Peeves

2005-05-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

Don't flip your collar up unless you're Cate Blanchett in The Aviator and it's real and authentic and allowed. It just screams that you're trying too hard. It smacks of effort.

And on another note, it's Friday nite and I'm bored. Supposed to watch a movie with some people but I can't call who I really want to call, so . . . I guess he's in VP somewhere playing games, or something. Whatev.

Chubby Hitler

2005-05-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah. So this blog needs a new name before I start handing it out to people. It's not that I don't dig Chrishley. It's a special thing to me, but it's gotta be a little more universal. Chubby Hitler is a nice one, as is Zombie Jury. But neither of these contain any version of my name, which I think I would like in there somewhere. We'll save them for band names.

The Curse

2005-05-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

The curse is real! I only had very strong suspicions before, but sufficient events have occurred to now make it statistically significant that the boys I date end up marrying the girl they date right after me. Spencer, Kevin, Jon, Millhouse, Jeff, Steve. And now Jimmy. and I had told him. we'd even joked about it! "Yeah, so whenever you feel like you're ready to get married, just break up with me and whoever comes along, you'll be set." a jest, some light-hearted banter, all in good fun. But sure enough . . . August 5th in the Manti Temple.
Watch out world, Christie's on the loose.

Yeah, Whatever

2005-05-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

We don't have to stay friends,
Let's pretend to be enemies.
Whatever makes you happy,
Whatever makes it beautiful,
Whatever leaves you satisfied.

Graduation

2005-04-29T19:48:00.000-07:00

Ah, the day finally arrives! 4 of us in my ward all graduated in social work. Isn't that cool?

Comparisons

2005-04-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

Change is to Elizabeth as
Uncertainty is to Christie.

Frustrations

2005-04-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

But you were 'just friends,'
at least that's what you said.
Now I know better.
I'll forgive you for what you've done
if you say that I'm the one.
I have other options, too.
But all I want is you.
It's not my style to lay it on the line
But you don't leave me with a choice this time.
Why weren't you true,
though I trusted you?
When you were 'just friends,'
At least that's what you said.
Now I know better.
--Gavin Degraw

Divertido Llaves

2005-04-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

My keys have officially been missing now for over 48 hours. I'm losing my mind. I had to bum a ride to work today (45 minutes late) and stay two and a half hours later than needed in order to get another ride home. And I had to beg a key off the secretary so I could get into my room. A wee embarrassing, if you ask me. So, basically I'm on the verge now of calling the fam up in So Jo and inquiring as to someone's ability to drive a spare key down here. This won't prevent problems with the secretary tomorrow, but it will at least allow me the freedom my Quentin (car) has to offer.

Christine and Lillith

2005-04-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

President Hinckley's father's name was Bryant, who eventually married Ada Bitner. But before he married her, he had a first wife named Christine.
I'm thinking about Lillith, the supposed first wife of Adam. What's the significance? I need to look some more into this.

2005-04-17T00:23:00.000-07:00

Halloween 04 with Bryant.

Verbosity

2005-04-16T17:47:00.000-07:00

In my hours upon hours of Internet surfing last week, I stumbled upon some interesting new words with which to enhance my vocab: Anuptaphobia is the fear of staying single, and Gamophobia is the fear of marriage. (see link) As a single individual living in Provo, perhaps these hit a little too close to home.

Firstling

2005-03-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

Ha! weex late but worth the wait! I just found the e mail from Ashley telling me about this. It somehow got lost in the dark abyss that is my inbox. I was pretty tickled to find it, tho. Happy Easter, all. Two months from today and I turn 23. Gulp. Not ready to feel that old. I think I'll always be 17 inside. Well, rock on, and talk to ya later, dawgs.

2005-03-04T02:18:00.000-07:00

Hi. My name's Chrishley. This is my first post. I'm just testing it out. But sleep calls. Goodnight.